14 Factors that influence children’s behavior and trigger challenging behavior and misbehavior including tantrums, outbursts and back talk. Use these printable picture routine cards and dial in your daily routine to make a world of different with behavior! 

What factors can influence children's behavior and trigger misbehavior including tantrums, outbursts and back talk? 14 Factors that Trigger Challenging Behavior

14 Factors Influencing a Child’s Behavior or Can Trigger Their Misbehavior

As parents, it’s natural to feel frustrated when our children act out. We’ve all been there:

“Why did you throw that?”

“Why did you hit your sister?”

“Why would you say something mean like that?”

“Why can’t you clean up when I ask?”

These are common questions we ask in the heat of the moment, hoping for an answer that explains the behavior. But often, we’re met with shrugs, silence, or a simple “I don’t know.”

It’s easy to jump to conclusions and think up immediate consequences for their misbehavior, like timeouts or grounding. However, addressing behavior by jumping to punishment misses an important step: understanding why the behavior is happening in the first place.

For example, when your child talks back, hits, pushes, acts disobedient or shows you other frustrating and challenging behavior that makes you want to pull your hair out, your focus turns a big fat spotlight on their behavior and your brain fast-forwards straight to a consequence.

That’s what you’re supposed to do, right?

Right???

How often do we hit the pause button enough to slow down, and think of all the things going on with our child that might be causing him to act the way he is BEFORE we react and respond to him?

I know I used to have a knee-jerk reaction to my kid’s behavior, but I’d quickly find if I isolated them with a time out or alone time in their room, it wouldn’t resolve the situation, and 99% of the time would made things worse.

Here’s the thing.

Frustration and anger make you feel like you need to react right that second, when in fact, it’s perfectly okay to take time and pause before you say or do anything at all.

In fact, you’ll find when you’re frustrated with your child’s behavior, and hoping that the question of “why did you do that” or “why did you do this” will give you some insight to what’s going on underneath the surface, it’s usually met with a shoulder shrug and a ho-hum, “I don’t know.”

Amiright? 

This line of questioning never gets us any closer to understanding the “why” behind our children’s behavior no matter how many times we ask.

 

 

Why Asking “Why” Rarely Works

When your child misbehaves — whether it’s talking back, hitting, or simply refusing to follow directions — it’s easy to focus solely on the behavior. But have you ever noticed that asking “Why did you do that?” rarely gets the insight you’re hoping for?

It’s a bad cycle that’s easy to get caught up in and resort to time and time again.

When we don’t receive the response we want, or see a lack of remorse from our child… we tend to get even more frustrated and that’s when we think up a consequence to “fit the crime,” or worse yet, our blood pressure begins to rise and our patience hits the breaking point and explode and yell. 

The reality is, most children aren’t equipped to articulate their reasons for acting out. Asking a child “why” often leads to more frustration, both for the child who feels confused and for you as the parent seeking answers.

I learned a long time ago the environment of our home and the parenting approach I took with each of my three kids would either contribute to good, or bad behavior, as well as define our relationship.

The Importance of Pausing Before Reacting

When a child’s behavior is challenging, our natural reaction might be frustration, or even anger.

Instead of jumping to conclusions or punishments, a more effective approach is pausing and reflecting on what might be influencing your child’s behavior.

Pausing before responding can make a world of difference. Taking a moment to breathe and gather your thoughts allows you to respond with empathy and understanding, rather than reacting impulsively.

This shift from punishment to curiosity helps you better connect with your child, and ultimately, helps your child learn more constructive ways to handle emotions.

Meeting your child’s needs will always be the biggest factor to helping them manage their behavior.

What factors can influence children's behavior and trigger misbehavior including tantrums, outbursts and back talk? 14 Factors that Trigger Challenging Behavior

How to Investigate Behavior

Understanding the why behind misbehavior can significantly change your approach as a parent. Children’s actions are often driven by underlying needs, emotions, or environmental factors. By taking an investigative approach, you can address the root cause of the behavior, which is far more effective than simply punishing the misbehavior itself.

Ask yourself these questions the next time your child acts out:

  • What might my child need from me right now?
  • Is something different about this situation?
  • What emotions could my child be struggling to express?
  • How can I help my child feel better and behave more appropriately?
  • What does my child need from me?
  • What lead up to this behavior or situation?

By shifting from “Why did you do that?” to “I wonder why this is happening,” you open the door to understanding and connection.

It’s a win-win for parents and children when connection surpasses our emotions. 

Here’s what I know about reacting to misbehavior…

When you come from a place of empathy and respect for your child’s feelings, and then take an investigative approach to finding out WHY your child is acting the way they do, you can focus on changing their behavior and helping them, instead of putting the focus on punishment or consequences.

Here’s why pausing and choosing to understand first works.

When you shift the focus away from what your has been done, to “why” this behavior happened, it changes your perspective and then your approach to handling the situation.

Instead of asking a question of your child that begins with “why,” it’s time to ask yourself the same question in the form of, “I wonder.”

  • “I wonder why she pushed her brother?”
  • “I wonder why he’s melting down at doing homework tonight.” 
  • “I wonder why my child was just set off by my question.”

There are many reasons why kids act out, and while it’s important to focus on the approach you take with them, there are several common some reasons why kids act the way they do.

You’ll soon be able to narrow down the why” when you first ask the question of yourself, “I wonder why…” 

Resource: Emotion identification tools help kids identify, name, communicate their feelings and what’s going on under the surface instead of covering them up in other ways.

14 Things That Impact or Triggers Children’s Behavior

Now, let’s dive into common factors that can trigger misbehavior in children. When you understand these triggers, it becomes easier to address the root cause of the issue.

1. Amount of Quality Sleep Or Lack of Sleep

Sleep is crucial for a child’s healthy development. Lack of sleep can lead to irritability, difficulty concentrating, and increased frustration. Establishing a consistent bedtime routine helps children get the rest they need, which in turn improves their behavior.

When kids are sleeping, their brains are developing and creating new neural connections and pathways. It’s essential they get the right amount of sleep to keep building these connections. Having a good sleep routine ensures they are getting the right amount of sleep between nap times and night time shut eye.

Going to sleep at an early bedtime with a quality bedtime routine that gets them ready to drift to sleep in 15 minutes or less is one of the most basic, and essential things you can do for your kid’s behavior, health, and development.

As kids get older, they’ll reduce the number of naps, increase the time between sleep and need less sleep.

2. Routine, Lack of Structure & Feeling Unsafe 

Childhood is filled with new, exciting and yet challenging milestones for kids.

Having a routine where kids feel safe knowing what comes next, and aren’t throw off by surprises and the unexpected, can bring them a sense of relief, to even the most free-spirited or carefree child.

Children thrive on routine and structure. When their schedule is disrupted or when they feel unsafe or uncertain about what’s coming next, their behavior can quickly deteriorate. A predictable routine gives children a sense of control in their world, reducing anxiety and misbehavior.

A simple way to help kids feel grounded each day, is to use printable routine cards (there’s a version for both boys and girls.) In fact, knowing the step-by-step scheduled for the day, including mornings, activities, and bedtimes can allow kids to feel a sense of control, something that’s very important to little ones living in a big, grown-up world.

You can also find the printable routine cards along with a ton of other routine & sleep related materials in the routine bundle that’s currently 70% off! 

daily routine cards help kids keep a daily schedule and follow a predictable routine that makes them feel safe

3. Hunger & Thirst Can Be the Cause of Problem Behavior

Children who are hungry or thirsty, might be telling you in unseen ways when their behavior has gone sideways. Reading between the lines isn’t always so obvious.

Behavior can often be linked to unmet physical needs. A hungry or dehydrated child may act out simply because they don’t realize that they need a snack or drink. Keep in mind that regular, nutrient-dense meals and snacks throughout the day can help prevent those mid-day meltdowns.

Taking a break to stop and grab a quick bite to eat or drink of water when kids are in the middle of playing, isn’t something most kids think of doing, but because their little bodies are using so much fuel from their constant movement, it’s important to fuel up with nutrient dense snacks and fluids regularly.

One easy solution besides lining your coat pockets with applesauce pouches and granola bars, is to keep a solid daily routine, you’ll automatically know when your child needs to eat or drink and helps you keep tummies full and good behavior from going sideways.

Staying ahead of the behavior isn’t always the easiest, but does wonders for behavior!

4. Diet and Allergies 

The food your child consumes can have a direct impact on behavior. Diets high in processed foods, sugar, and artificial dyes have been linked to hyperactivity and behavioral issues. Allergies to certain foods can also trigger physical discomfort or irritability. If your child’s behavior is off, consider examining their recent diet for possible triggers.

Food dyes are tied to many behavior problems. Red and blue dyes founds in sports drinks, chips, sweets, packaged foods, preserved fruit, cereals and candies (especially summer desserts) can cause allergies, hyperactivity and serious reactions (including changes in behavior.) These food dyes were recently banned in school meals in California which is a great first step – now we just need to ban from all store shelves and our homes.

Foods and ingredients to remove from the diet and see how your child responds:

  • food dyes
  • sugar
  • gluten
  • dairy (unless raw milk is being used – dairy intolerance is generally for pasteurized milk products)
  • citric acid (black mold preservative)
  • processed foods (anything that comes in packages!)

When you see misbehavior, think back to the last week and what your child has been eating because it’s not always what they’ve eaten in the last hour or even day. Food dyes, sugar, lack of vegetables, quality protein and healthy fats, and fruits can have lasting impacts for weeks and even years for children.

Having you been eating out more often than usual, or it’s been a meal packed with sugar, dyes or seed oils?

5. Level of Outdoor Activities, Exercise and Fresh Air 

Children need time to play, move, and burn off energy. Being cooped up indoors for too long can lead to restlessness and misbehavior – as well as disrupting natural body cycles like melatonin production which is created through light in the eyes and the circadian rhythm (sleep/wake cycle.)

Outdoor play not only provides physical exercise but also supports emotional regulation, boosts mood, and enhances creativity and gets kids outside in the fresh air and out of indoor environments that can actually be more harmful to health (fragrance, candles, perfumes, air fresheners, unclean air, shoes in the home and more.)

It’s actually proven that getting outside in a green environment and having unstructured free play is essential to being less stressed and happier!

Being in a “green” environment has been shown to improve overall wellbeing, self-esteem, bring immediate stress relief, spurs creativity and even significantly improve learning and recall ability, and mental and emotional wellbeing. (Source: University of Essex research study).

Unstructured free play outside promotes creativity and imagination because children can immerse themselves in an environment, and think and play freely without adult agendas. When children head outdoors, they are naturally curious about their environment and new surroundings – the childlike wonder we swoon over as parents, suddenly reappears!

6. Overstimulation & Understimulation 

Kids who are overwhelmed by overstimulation – too many people, loud noise, lights, chaos – act out as a result of this.

Too much stimulation—whether from various forms such as loud environments, flashing screens, or large crowds—can overwhelm a child, leading to irritability or meltdowns. On the other hand, understimulation, where a child is bored or not engaged, can also result in acting out.

Using emotion picture cards and calm down picture cards, especially when little ones cannot fully express themselves helps both the parents and child figure out what’s going on.

Likewise, children who are under stimulated and feel bored, restless will look for ways to entertain themselves and tend to get in trouble, or are looking for your attention in unwelcome ways to stimulate them.

If you have a child who is learning about emotions, Emotions A-Z: From Chaos to in Control is an introductory course to teaching children how to identify, name and communicate their feelings.

If You Need a Screen-Free Activities your Kids will LOVE…

7. Screen Time 

Do you ever notice that after a child has been watching a screen – TV, phone, tablet, Kindle, gaming system – and you ask them to turn it off or pull them away from it, suddenly they’re grumpy and may have an outburst, tantrum, or snarky behavior once the screen has been removed?

Excessive screen time can have a significant effect on your child’s mood and behavior. Studies show that too much screen time can lead to irritability, difficulty transitioning off devices, and even sleep disturbances.

That’s why limiting healthy screen time is extra important for balanced behavior and research shows there is a tipping point for how much screen time is too much.

What are some serious problems that have been researched as associated with screen time and device use?

  • Sleep problems (going to sleep, staying asleep, restlessness, poor quality of sleep.)
  • Increased risk of mental health problems including depression, anxiety, ADHD, mood disorders, and suicidal thinking.
  • Serious health problems including insulin resistance, obesity, increase abdominal fat, and higher risk of Type 2 Diabetes.
  • High chance of developing various types of eye and vision-related problems.
  • Problems with social interaction, friendships and reading non-verbal social cues.

The bottom line is that limiting and reducing screen time is important to creating a better home environment and managing behavior.

What factors can influence children's behavior and trigger misbehavior including tantrums, outbursts and back talk? 14 Factors that Trigger Challenging Behavior

8 – 10.) Development Challenges

Every child learns differently; at different speeds, different temperament, handles challenges different from one child to child, comes to conclusions and solutions differently, and functions quicker, slower or the same speed as other children.

Children are constantly developing and learning new skills. Frustration can arise when they struggle to master a new skill, whether it’s learning to speak, write, or understand emotions. It’s important to be patient and provide support when your child is faced with developmental challenges.

As adults, we know all of this, but for children, it can be a source of frustration, worry, jealousy, overwhelm, impatience and more.

When kids begin to learn verbal and physical milestones whether it’s feeding themselves, holding a pencil, adding numbers together, discovering emotions, learning ABCs and colors, communicating, or something else, it can bring up many emotions when they don’t get the hang of it or are frustrated by the speed and number of attempts.

8. Learning Styles and Challenges

Every child learns differently. When a child’s learning style doesn’t align with the environment, they may struggle or act out. Identifying whether your child learns best through visual, auditory, or kinesthetic methods can help you tailor their environment to support their learning needs. 

9. Processing & Functioning Speed

10. Development & Age 

11. Fears & Worries 

Fears, whether rational or irrational, can trigger strong emotional responses in children. Separation anxiety, fear of the dark, or even worries about school can lead to behavior that seems defiant but is actually rooted in anxiety.

I like to keep a set of Calm Down Cards in our kitchen desk draw for my kids to shuffle through on their own if they don’t feel like talking. This way, they can find a solution on their own that will help them relax, calm down and get back in control of their emotions.

Worry Eater stuffed animals are also helpful for kids. They simply write down their worries and place them in the Worry Eater’s mouth, so that the Worry Eater can hold onto them and your child can let them go. The worry eater will eat the worry (as parents, this is where you strategically and carefully remove them from the mouth at another time) and children will have a weight lifted off their shoulders.

Calm Down Cards help kids learn healthy responses to big emotions

12. Difficulty Understanding & Expressing Emotions 

Children are not built with an understanding of how to translate what they feel as emotions, or even how to communicate them to others.

Many children act out because they don’t yet have the language or skills to express their emotions. Anger, frustration, sadness, and even excitement can manifest as misbehavior when a child doesn’t know how to communicate their feelings.

Emotional intelligence is learned, not an innate ability we all possess. (Emotions A-Z: From Chaos to in Control is a beginner course to teaching kids how to learn, name, express and communicate feelings.)

Kids learn to name their emotions by practice and from adults who talk about their own feelings, good, bad and indifferent.

Emotion picture cards are a simple tool to help kids identify emotions and build emotional intelligence.

One of our favorite tools to help our son calm down and walk through the steps of calming down is using the Green Means Go kit. He can visually see himself walk through all the steps he needs to gaining control of his emotions. Works every time!

Here are some good reads to help teach kids about emotional intelligence and talking about feelings:

emotion picture cards help teach emotion intelligence; for kids to recognize emotions and learn healthy coping skills

13. Shame & Insecurity 

A child who feels ashamed or insecure may lash out as a defense mechanism. Building your child’s self-esteem and providing positive affirmations can help them feel more secure and less likely to engage in negative behavior.

It’s been shown that kids who are confident trust their own judgment, aren’t afraid to try new things even if they may fail, are more effective communicators and problem solvers, and have high self-esteem.

But kids who aren’t?

Well, they’ll be afraid to try new things that they could possibly fail at or be challenged by, as well as say hurtful things to themselves about their abilities and results.

These are pretty hard things for an adult to hear and see from their child.

One solution to help build confidence?

Use positive affirmations for kids.

Gentle affirmations for kids designed to build self esteem and confidence, through changing negative self-talk. These affirmations created just for kids help them feel good about themselves, and embrace all their amazing positive qualities.

14. Big Life Changes 

Big changes often create big emotions!

Major changes such as moving, starting a new school, or welcoming a new sibling can disrupt a child’s sense of stability, resulting in behavior changes. Maintaining routine and offering extra reassurance during transitions can help ease these challenges.

The best thing you can do is keep with your same routine, ensure your child is getting enough sleep, positive connection with the adults in his life and know that the adjustment period will take a little time before the dust clears.

15. Parental Stress 

Believe it or not, your stress as a parent can directly impact your child’s behavior. Children are incredibly attuned to the emotional climate of their home. When parents are stressed, children often absorb this tension, which may manifest as misbehavior.

Digging into the Root of Why Kids Act The Way They Do

Of course, this list of 14 things that impact children’s behavior may not touch on all reasons why children act the way they do, but it’s a good place to start when you begin to find a box or two to tick.

If you think something from this list, or a list of your own, may be impacting your child’s behavior, you might recognize some changes may be necessary.

I’ve found that when I can look at my children through an empathetic lens, not only does this help me respond instead of react, but that it gives me the opportunity to connect with them in a positive way, even if I just had a dramatic eye roll leveled my way when I asked them to pick up their shoes.

It just might help you realize that a hug, or a cuddle on the couch reading a book is better than sending your child upstairs to their room for a timeout.

Connection Trumps Consequences

When it comes to behavior management, connection is key. Rather than focusing on punishment, seek to understand the emotions and needs driving your child’s behavior. Building a strong, empathetic relationship with your child lays the foundation for positive behavior. By focusing on connection, you help your child learn how to manage their emotions in healthier ways, reducing the need for consequences altogether.

Taking the time to pause, reflect, and ask the right questions can transform your approach to parenting and lead to a more harmonious home.

More Resources for Positive Parenting & Parenting Skills: 

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